And the award for worst editing goes to ............

Another week passes and finally Scott gets back in touch. I honestly thought he'd rumbled me.



From Scott.

Sorry for not responding for a while now , I have been busy with work and I hope you do not mind. I am being issued another passport which will soon be given to me so after that I will be able to send you ... like I told you before I can only show you my passport which I have access to from here . Do you mind?


A couple of days later I received this very badly edited passport!!!

His passport.

It was pointed out to me that Scott's (fake) passport was in fact, out of date!! This had to be pointed out to Scott!



Dear Mr Derr.

 

It has come to our attention that your passport expired on March 2nd 2015 so is now out of date and therefore invalid.

 

Could you please send a copy of your current passport along with 2 other forms of identification so we can begin the process of transferring Miss O'Doors assets to yourself. We understand that whilst you are stationed overseas this may be difficult so we are prepared for one of the forms of identification to be a signed, dated letter from your company commander confirming your identity. The other item of evidence MUST show your home address.

 

Please send the required documents to us as soon as possible.

 

Yours sincerely

 

Sammuel Connit

 

Connit, Stashitt and Leggitt Solicitors.

 

 

 

There was no reply from Scott so the solicitors emailed him again.

 

 

Good morning Mr Derr.

 

I trust you have had a pleasant weekend. I am just checking that you received my emails about your out of date passport and other forms of identification required to proceed with transferring Miss O'Doors funds to your account. Could you please contact us without delay so we can proceed with this matter.

 

Yours sincerely

 

Sammuel Connit

 

Connit, Stachitt and Leggitt Solicitors

 

 

 

Several days later and still no reply. Maybe he's given up? One last attempt to get him to reply is sent.

Dear Mr Derr.

 

Our office has not received communication from you with regards to Miss O'Doors bequest. If we do not hear from you within the next 48 hours, I am afraid we have instruction to leave Miss O'Doors estate to a local animal welfare charity.

 

Please contact our office as a matter of urgency.

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Sammuel Connit

 

Connit, Stashitt and Leggitt Solicitors.

 

 

A copy of his passport.

Scott replied pretty quickly but as he is stationed overseas, the only form of identification he has is his passport.

 

From CSL Solicitors.

 

Dear Mr Derr

 

Many thanks for your speedy reply. Miss O'Doors spoke very highly of you and the fact that you served for the US Army. She made no  bones of the fact that she was deeply in love with you. Her burial is to take place on Friday 30th October and if you could attend that would be marvelous. I shall send further details upon your reply.

 

For us to start that process of transferring her estate to you we will need the following documents to be sent:

 

3 forms of personal identification, one of which MUST include a photograph. These can include:

 

Your current US Passport showing your name, date of birth and photograph

A current household utility bill

Your birth certificate

Documents relating to your service in the US Army

Your Selective Service System number

Any other form of personal identification bearing your name and address.

 

We will accept these as scanned forms sent as email attachments or they can be sent via post to:
Connit, Stashitt and Leggitt Solicitors

 

23, Dupe Street

West Cretinshire

DU NC3

England

 

Many thanks for your time on this matter.

 

Yours sincerely

 

Sammuel Connit

 

Connit, Stashitt and Leggitt Solicitors.

 

 

  
 From Scott

I can only provide my US passport , all others I cant get it coz am currently at the base, I hope that satisfies you , I attached my passport now you can check it and tell me what process are needed , I will definitely want to be at her burial as well , please let me. Know about this details as soon as possible...

Connit, Stashitt and Leggitt solicitors.

Time to introduce Connit, Stashitt and Leggit Solicitors. They have some very sad news for Scott. But every cloud has a silver lining.

From CSL Solicitors.

Dear Mr Scott Derr.

 

 

Please let me introduce myself. My name is Mr Sammuel Connit of Connit, Stashitt and Leggitt Solicitors. It is with a great deal of sadness that I am contacting you to inform you of the death of Miss Patty O'Doors. I believe the two of you were intimately acquainted.

 

As you know, Miss O'Doors was recently involved in an accident where she suffered severe injury to her hand. As a result of the aforementioned injury, she developed septicemia and became gravely ill, eventually falling into a coma and passing away on Saturday 24th October 2015. As her family solicitor, I was summoned to the hospital before she fell into a coma as she wished to change her will. She made various changes which included bequeathing the sum of £2.6 million UK pounds to yourself Mr Derr.

 

As you may know, Miss O'Doors had no remaining family members to leave her estate to with her parents, only brother and ex husband all being dead. She considered you to be her one true love and wished all her money to be transferred to you. She was a very wealthy lady having inherited the estates of both her parents as well as her brother and ex husband. She made it absolutely clear that should she not recover from her illness, that you Mr Derr, must be the sole recipient of her estate.

 

I appreciate that this must come as a massive shock to you and that you will need time for this sad news to sink in but I ask that you respond to this email within the next 48 hours so I can register your acknowledgement of intent to accept this bequest. Upon receiving this, I shall give you further instruction as how to proceed with the transferal of money to your personal account.

 

Please be reassured that Patty spoke very highly of you and expressed her deep love and devotion on many occasions.

 

Many thanks for making her last few months so very happy.

 

Yours sincerely

 

Mr Sammuel Connit

 

Connit, Stashitt and Leggitt Solicitors.


Scott replies pretty quickly, mistaking Patty for a man.

From Scott.

Thats really sad, I cant believe he could do that coz we never met. I will love to be present at his burial to give my last respect n lemme know what I need to do to make the transfer process possible...

I wait on your reply soon enough - Scott's getting cross!!

Patty emails Scott to let him know she's sent the money via Western Union. Hopefully that will make him happy


From Patty.


Hi Scott.
Just a quick email to say that I've sent the money you need today at my local post office. Can you let me know when you get it please?
I hope everything is OK with you my darling. I'm starting to feel better today in case you were wondering.
Chat soon
Patty xx xx xx xx xx



Patty then gets a really grumpy reply from Scott.

From Scott.

Why does it take you days before you reply? I wait on your reply soon enough please so that I can get the details to the admin and activate the call.

Miss you PATTY! !

She replies and tries to make him feel guilty!!

From Patty.
Good morning Scott.
I'm sorry for the delaying replying. Unfortunately I developed a really nasty infection in my hand which turned into blood poisoning. I've spent the last week in hospital on various drips and machines. I've been seriously ill which is why I didn't email you. It's hard to do anything when you're sedated.
Did you not get the money I sent you? Was there some kind of problem? Do I need to send it again?
You're last email wasn't very nice Scott. I felt like you were angry with me. You need to understand that I've been very ill. It's not my fault. A little bit of patience and sympathy wouldn't go amiss. If you loved me you'd try and understand what I'm going through.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Love from Patty xx xx xx xx xx xx


Scott replies but is still more concerned about the money than her health.

From Scott.

Am not angry about you Patty just worried we couldnt talk much and know whats going on with you , am sorry you have been so ill hope you get better soon ok , we will talk on phone very soon  .

Can you send me the details on the western union receipt to me  ?
  The details include ; Money transfer control number (MTCN) .
                                              Question and Answer .
                                               Your full name .

Patty's back.

So, Patty had an awful accident. Scott doesn't seem overly bothered about her health, more so about the money for the phone call.   From Scott. I was so worried about you , sent you emails but no reply . Really glad you are here now and I cant wait to talk to on phone! Hope you are feeling better now ... Send it through western union to this details ; RECEIVERS NAME - SCOTT DERR RECEIVERS COUNTRY - NIGERIA    After you send then I can get to the admin and get the call activated , it doesn't take more than 24hrs for the call to get activated. I wait on your reply so we can get it started .   LOVE YOU PATTY!! Patty doesn't reply for ages so Scott emails again. From Scott Patty are you ok? Haven't heard from you in a while now n I am really worried , mail me back as soon as you see this as I have sent you emails before and you never replied too, .. let me know what's going on with you n our plan.  Patty eventually replies. From Patty Hello Scott Sorry for being so quiet again. I developed am infection in my hand and needed a couple of days in hospital. It seems under control now so I'm back home again. I'll be going to the Post Office tomorrow to send you the fee for the phone call. I hope that's ok. How long does it take to set everything up? I can't wait to talk to you. I'm very excited. I hope everything is good with you and look forward to hearing from you soon. All my love Patty xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx Scott quickly replies. From Scott. hope you are good now, I really miss you and I am also excited about the call , it doesnt take more than 48hrs to get it activated , after you send through western union tomorrow then you can send me the details here so I will do the rest , miss you very much!! Talk to me soon!

Patty's terrible accident.

I've been busy and felt uninspired so hadn't emails Scott for a while. He sent a one liner wanting to know about the money. What a surprise. I left it a week or so before replying to tell him about my dreadful accident.


From Scott


Hi Patty  , did you got my last mail  . It seems you busy? Lemme know what you think about the call activation . I hope you are enjoying your day n MISS YOU! 


From Patty



Hi Scott


I do apologise for not replying sooner but I had a terrible accident last week.

I'd been to a nearby town on a new therapies training day. It had been brilliant and I was waiting for my train home, looking forward to seeing my animals. The previous train was still on my platform and as it was about to set off, a lady jumped off realising she was on the wrong train. As the doors shut, he scarf got caught and she was very distressed. I ran forward to help and somehow my hand also became trapped in the door along with her scarf. The train began to move and we both walked alongside it, me trying to free her scarf and my hand. As the train gathered speed, the ladies scarf pulled free but my hand remained trapped. People were screaming for the train to stop and trying to help me. I began to run alongside the train as it got faster and faster and I didn't see a large post a the side of the platform. I ran straight into it with so much forced that it threw me backwards, ripping my trapped fingers from my hand. I was knocked unconscious and woke later in hospital.

There was very little the surgeons could do but tidy up what was left of my hand. There were truly marvellous. I am now back home and have friends looking after me until I recover fully. I am devastated Scott. This means I can no longer work so it's a good job I am wealthy enough not to have to worry.

So, when can we set up this phone call? I really need to hear your voice more than ever now Scott. I miss you and need you so much. I need your support whilst I recover from this awful accident. So, how do I get the activation fee to you and how do we get the call up? I want to do it as soon as possible.

Pleas get back to me as quick as you can as I really need cheering up.

All my love

Patty xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx